A Sense of Belonging

I am going into my fourth month at college, and being honest, it hasn’t been so great. I haven’t clicked with what I want to do yet, so next semester I’m going a different route to see if I can come close to figuring it out. 

Last night was our first Writer’s Corner for Creative Claws at Cowley, and that was the closest I’ve been to feel a “click” of belonging. I surprisingly liked getting up on stage and reading my pieces, even though it was very nerve-wracking. I was proud of myself for facing one of my biggest fears: stage fright. Usually, when I get up on a stage, my face turns red, I stutter, and my entire body trembles; but, last night, I felt more natural, more comfortable, because I knew I was in front of an audience that wanted to hear me read my work. That’s what they were there for. And hearing other students perform their work also made me feel more comfortable. 

After my first Writer’s Corner was over, I realized the key to being a good writer and a good performer is to be yourself and tell the truth. That night, I read a piece about my dog, who passed away two years ago. The whole experience was hard on me because I was the type of girl in school who didn’t fit in with anyone who didn’t have a lot of friends; so, my dog was my best friend. And when she died, I felt like it was my fault for not being there for her. I had skipped her vet appointment for selfish reasons, and then she died the next day. I ended the piece by calling myself a selfish murderer. The audience was concerned, so I went on to explain that I wrote the article from experience and how I have forgiven myself for my dog’s death. I didn’t think of myself as a murderer anymore.

When the night came to an end, I got a lot of comments on how I did well. I couldn’t believe it, and I had never really thought of myself as a good writer, especially compared to everyone else, but then I realized, there is no scale you can use to measure someone’s creative pieces. It all just comes from the souls in different individuals. 

The only other thing I have “clicked” with so far this semester is a Photowalk we took in our Media Club. We went to the bike trail and old bridge in Ark City to take pictures of people, nature, and the exciting things we found. That day, I had my zoom lens on, and I was standing on the bike trail when I heard a howl. I turned and looked through the trees, and that’s when I saw an old hound dog looking up at me. I could see him in the center of a circle of green tree branches. I held up my camera and snapped eight pictures. Out of all eight photos, I found one image that was perfect for the center focused hound around the blue of the beautiful green branches. I was and still, am so proud of that picture.

Even though it’s already been almost four months, and only two things have “clicked” with me, I continue to have hope for next semester. I plan to focus on what makes me happy and do what I need to do. I will look at my goals to motivate me to keep moving forward.