"Recycled Fortress"

That moment in time will be etched in my memory forever. I can never forget the hue of the sunset, the sounds of the crashing tide, or the smell of the salty, sweet, air.

  I will never…

The dream of my life, the picture of MY perfection can be summed up in that 24 hours. Only the five of us. As things should have been.  As I wish they were.

I don’t want to fault those involved, yet I do.  I understand, they were only following what they thought was best. I have secret trap doors of bitterness and pain lingering.  I have learned that once set off , these traps  spiral into self-sabotage, regret, and intense heart break. I have learned to not talk about it, like queen Elsa trying to conceal her icy touch. Yet, lingering inside, a wound so deep It cannot heal.

Things were never easy, they were so very difficult. Testing every millisecond of every moment of every day. But It was right… It felt good… It felt complete…

The losses experienced in my life would make most run, hiding their tail between their legs.  I know it. I know it because I lived it.  Each trauma, molded my raw core into a reinforced fortress; built of shattered dreams of what could have been. That moment, that beach, that day…  glazed my fortress in resin for eternity.

It’s not surprising that the memories are painful, that they: still hold my heart in a hostage standoff.  The need to let go is overwhelming… but I can’t forget. This memory, etched into my soul.  Another, the day they drove her away.





Author Information: 
Cowley Student (Vol. 8: 2019)